Q: How can I help my children, 8 and 5, cope with an impending divorce?

A: The process of divorce may bring out the worst in all involved. The good news is you can improve their adjustment to the change. But both parents must cooperate. The following guidelines will help the children and parents.

BOTH parents can support their children:

• Explain what’s happening in honest age-appropriate language.
• Give the children time to express their feelings and ask questions.
• Expect the children to be upset and provide them with extra reassurance that you won’t leave them. Offer additional attention to their needs.
• Assure them that they are not to blame for the divorce.

BOTH parents must:

• Maintain discipline and keep the same rules in place.
• Contribute emotional and financial support to the children.
• Only make promises they can keep.
• Lean on family, friends or clergy for emotional support, not the children.
• Be the parent and don’t try to become a friend.
• Not spoil their children.

Divorcing parents need to show respect for each other:

• Avoid expressing anger or negative comments about each other to the children.
• Be civil to each other around the children.

Keep a consistent routine with:

• Bedtimes,
• Chores,
• Rules, and
• Traditions.

Keep your kids out of the conflict:

• Never ask them to choose sides, be messengers or pump them for information about the other parent.
• Don’t discuss adult topics in front of them.

Remember, you can’t prevent a divorce from affecting your children, but you can help make it more manageable for them.

Your EAP can help. Call (713) 866-4242 for an appointment. The service is free and confidential.