Q: My widowed 83-year-old-mother is no longer capable of living on her own. I don’t want to put her into a home. What about having her come live with my husband and me?

A: Having your mother move in is certainly one option. But a word of caution: Caring for an elderly parent can be stressful, even exhausting, for the caregiver. Here are some points to consider.

First, about your mother:

• What is her overall health?
• How much personal assistance she is going to require?
• What is her level of awareness?
• Does she have memory lapses or difficulty making decisions?
• What is her financial situation?
• How much, if any, of her expenses can she cover?
• What does she want to do?

Like most of us, elders usually don’t like major lifestyle changes.

About your situation:

• What does your husband want?
• Do you both work outside the home?
• What is your and your husband’s relationship with your mother?
• Do you have adult siblings to share responsibility?
• Is your home equipped to handle the needs of an aging adult?

Although your first instinct may be to move your mother in with you, consider what’s best for her. She should try to remain as active and independent as possible. And though it’s important to have contact with her family, she also needs interaction with her peer group.

There are many resources in the community that can provide assistance whether she stays in her home, your home or elsewhere. Some options include in-home assistance, senior activities, senior daycare, assisted living facilities, and nursing homes. Some assisted living facilities have graduated levels of more intensive care if that is needed later.

Because there are so many options, you need to do a lot of research before making your decision. The Employee Assistance Program has counselors to help you understand your options and determine which one will be best for your mother as well as you and your husband.

Call (713) 866-4242 for an appointment.Counseling is free and confidential.