Q. Eighteen months ago, my sister suddenly died. I can’t seem to get over it and still find myself sometimes crying at work. What’s wrong with me?

A.There is nothing wrong with you. In our country people expect grief to be limited to six to 12 months. Even if a death is expected, the grief process usually takes longer than we expect, often years.

When the death is unexpected, it is usually more difficult to deal with especially if the person is a sibling or a child. It is not part of what we think of as the natural process of life. If the death was a traumatic, sudden death, we have to deal with the senselessness of it and our anger toward the cause in addition to other conflicted feelings.

The death of a sibling, especially one close in age, can be profound. Siblings share a special part of our actual and emotional history. Losing a sibling with whom we have been close can be especially difficult.

Many people believe that when someone dies he or she is in a better place so we should not grieve, and we are criticized if we do. However, grief is a very natural process. If someone close to us dies, of course, we will miss him or her. We can even physically hurt, dream about them or mistake people on the street for them. Holidays and anniversaries can be especially difficult.

Grief goes through stages. But it is not a nice, neat process. Grief is unique for each individual and sometimes even family members will criticize how we grieve—too much or not enough. It can be helpful to talk to someone who understands the grief process and who will not criticize or judge. Talking about our grief and about our experiences with the person who died can help us work through the grief process toward acceptance and healing.

Counselors at the EAP are experienced in working with grieving clients. There are also support groups, which can be helpful for some people. Take care of yourself and ask for the support you need. A good first step would be meeting with an EAP counselor.

Call (713) 866-4242 for an appointment. The service is confidential and free.