It’s in their heads
But raising a healthy child is about more than physical well-being. Guliex said the most important thing she tries to instill in her children is self-reliance.

“I want my children to be able to fend for themselves in case something happens to my husband or me and someone has to take them in,” she said.

She teaches them to ask questions so they can make good decisions.

Occasionally, Guliex gives each of her children $20. They can buy whatever they want at the store, but they need to save enough to also buy food and drink for a meal. This teaches them the value of money, and how to think through a problem.
In the van, they count by fives, do multiplication tables, or go over school work.

Infants and young children have a great capacity to learn, Khan said. Parents need to read and socialize with them.

“The brain is developing rapidly,” he said. “Provide them with the tools and educational toys.”

Part of preparing a child for adulthood is teaching them they can’t have everything they want, Khan said. Parents can teach children this lesson much more compassionately than the world will.

“The world is very cruel,” he said.

When they throw a temper tantrum, parents need to walk away. “The child will not throw the tantrum if the parent is not watching,” Khan said.

This wasn’t in the books!
Then suddenly, the sweet child’s complexion, hormones and attitude change. And, it seems, so does your influence and parenting skills.

“With a teenager, you will only learn from experience, no matter how many books you’ve read,” Khan said.

Donnetta Potier single-handedly ushered her son through the teen years. Darrell is 22 and will graduate from Houston Baptist University in April.

Potier, an HR administrative aide, said consistency and proactive prevention are important.

As a single parent who worked full-time and attended college, she was away from the house a lot. Rather than leaving Darrell with gobs of unsupervised free time, she helped him get a job at Chick-Fil-A. Success at his job helped his self-esteem, kept him out of trouble, and gave him some pocket money.

She said she constantly let Darrell know what she expected him to do and made sure he followed through with it. “You’ve got to keep on them,” she said.

During the weekends, they spent time together watching movies and catching up.

She knew his friends and talked to their parents. She worked hard to offset the influence of other children whose parents were less diligent.

Khan, who raised three children, said it’s important for parents to develop humility and let teenagers assert themselves.

It’s also important to instill morals and character in children before they reach the teenage years, he said. Then, as teenagers, they should have the character and truthfulness to do the right thing.

“The reality of teenagers is that they are going to become independent adults,” he said. “They have to make their own choices. Unfortunately, some make a bad choice. You have to say, ‘I feel bad about that, but I’m here to help you.’”

A good relationship with the teen is important, too, he said. Although the teen may treat his parents like enemies, the parents will only make things worse by getting angry. Instead, they need to remember that it’s just a phase.

Providing for a child’s physical and mental health seems daunting. And it is, Khan said. But if parents do the right things, nature will help the process along.

“There’s no short cut,” he said. “It demands time. Somebody has to give time, whether it’s the parents or a caretaker.”

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