by Roger Smith

o you ever reach the end of a holiday celebration feeling disappointed, while thinking others had a happy holiday? If so, you have plenty of company.

The sadness and stress that drain the spirit out of the holidays are common.

“We’ve got a culture that tells us how things should be, especially when you grew up with good holidays and you want to have them again,” said Rich Barrett, director of the Employee Assistance Program.

“Or if the holidays of your youth were bad, when you’re an adult you think, ‘Now, I can make them good.’

“There are expectations. The media tell us it’s supposed to be joyous, and it’s not always that way,” Barrett said.

“Unrealistic expectations push people to do things they can’t do.”

Barrett and the EAP staff usually see these people after things didn’t work out the way they wanted.

Barrett urges you to plan now to make 2004’s major holidays easier to handle. You can’t expect different results if you do what you’ve always done before.

“There’s lots of cooking, planning, presents, full houses and travel,” Barrett said. “For example, hosts decide they’re going to make turkey, brisket and ham, plus multiple pies and casseroles. And that’s stuff than can be done, but only by starting days or weeks before.”

And that’s just the food. Family relationships cause stress, too.

“People who don’t have good family relationships somehow think holidays should create wonderful, happy times between people who don’t get along the rest of the year,” Barrett said.

For Barrett’s hints on how to prevent a letdown next year, see "Hints for happy holidays." Also, read some of the holiday stress solutions from city employees below.

Don’t show me the money
“Most people (want) a loving environment where they feel connected, supported and comfortable sharing their life. That doesn’t take a lot of money,” Barrett said. “A simple holiday celebration can provide the loving environment, and lots of money may not create it at all.”

Many city employees agree. Theresa Bryce only buys gifts for her children and her mother. “Gifts are not the important things,” Bryce said. “If you have the money, that’s one thing, but don’t go into debt. That makes it stressful.”

Bryce and Vassie Cook endorse the idea of drawing names in a family so everyone only has to buy a gift for one person. Andrel Stamps buys a single gift for an entire family.

Another employee who wanted to remain anonymous characterized herself as a “Scrooge, but debt-free.” Instead of buying gifts for each other, she and her husband agreed to get a reasonably priced gift for themselves in a month other than December. She sends cards to her friends instead of gifts.

“Think about the debts you incurred in past years for Christmas,” said the Scrooge. “Then about how much stress it caused worrying about how to pay them.”

Cook also avoids stress by buying a single gift for a family instead of several individual ones, mail-ordering gifts for direct shipment to the recipient, buying gifts throughout the year to capitalize on sales, and avoiding large purchases.

Continued
1 l 2 l next >>