Q: My husband and I have been married six years and argue all the time. When we first met we could talk about anything but now we argue about everything. We have one child, and I don’t want her to grow up around all this yelling. Should we get a divorce?

A: This issue can be resolved. Hearing parents yell can be scary for children. However, hearing parents argue can actually be healthy if they also hear that what is being argued about is resolved in some way.

It is very common for couples to be able to talk and have fun together when they first meet and date. After marriage, couples have to learn to get along on a different level, and after a few years, they often start taking each other for granted. When they talk there is often blaming and defensiveness instead of problem solving. It is easy to get into a pattern of arguing whenever certain topics come up.

First, neither one of you has to be right all the time. You can agree to disagree. Also, blaming does not work. And whenever people get angry and yell they have moved into the feelings center of the brain instead of the thinking area, so they are unable to resolve problems.

I encourage couples to take a timeout if discussions escalate to the point of anger and/or yelling. Then come back and talk when they both cool down and are able to think clearly again. It is also important to nurture the relationship. Marriage is like a living organism and without nurturing can fade and die. Be kind to each other, and know that counselors at the EAP often see couples for counseling.